About this blog…
February 19, 2008 by Quester
I’m going to be using this blog to help myself look at my life’s journey, and to share it with others. To do that, I’m going to be writing about things that happened years ago, and some that are happening now. I’ll try to give some hints as to chronology, as I won’t necessarily be posting strictly in the order things happened.
Right now, I don’t know whether to call myself a Christian in the midst of strong doubt, an atheist with a strong Christian background or an agnostic looking for hope and truth. As such, while I will be talking a lot about my beliefs and doubts, I’m not trying to convince anyone of anything. I’m just putting things out there so that they’re easier for me to see.
If you want to come along on my journey, I hope you get something out of it that helps you on yours.
6 Responses to “About this blog…”
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Hey, Q:
I saw your note on De-Conversion. Sometimes when I read that site, it seems there is SUCH anger (at whom? the God who doesn’t exist or the parents who pushed Him down the former kid’s throat?). Your comment sounded different. I’d love to email more about it. I have a couple of friends who really question their conversion right now… they are in pits of despair and don’t “feel” God. Interestingly they have told me separately that despite all this, they can’t walk away. Why? They say (like Peter, was it?): “for You have the words of eternal life.” For whatever reason, I guess God’s grace, I only lost that sense of His presence for a week, and a friend reminded me that I couldn’t believe that Jesus was God unless He was in me (from 1 John 3). That helped.
I can’t speak for everyone at the de-con site, but what it looks like to me is that those who express anger are angry at presumptive Christians who come with answers to questions no one is asking, arguments that have already been looked at and discarded (usually multiple times), and insults that show they know nothing about us. After a few months on the site, my anger at those Christians has grown, as well. I usually don’t express that anger, because I consider those people to not be worth my time, energy or emotions and would rather ignore them and hope they go away. If I do respond to them, even with anger, it might encourage them to stay and anger me further.
You, on the other hand, came with a question to ask in a gentle tone. Your question has been dealt with before, but not in one, easy to find location. I responded appropriately.
I’m not much for email. If you have questions for me, feel free to ask them here.
I get why the decon folks might be angry. I do hope some find their way back home to Jesus. One of the reasons I started my blog was to be a voice of reason for seekers. For whatever reason, not many of those stop by. I mostly get believers and fairly mature ones at that. Well, whatever! In any case, I wonder how God feels about so many who call themselves His followers these days. Oh, I judge… Oops.
I think I got from one of your posts that you are a pastor. Of the folks I mentioned above, one is a pastor and one was on the way to becoming a pastor. I sometimes think those closest go through the darkest night. When my husband had a four way bypass, my former pastor’s wife suggested the letters of John Newton. In them, he talks alot about suffering and the fact that it often falls on those on the front lines of the battle: pastors. Another purpose of my blog was to dismiss that awful notion floating around today that it’s God’s role to fix my life and give me all I want - heaven forbid we suffer.
At this point, though, my blog is just fun to write.
I was ordained in June, 2005, and licenced to minister in a four point parish (four churches, each one in a small rural town within a half-hour drive to the next). In February, 2008, I asked that my licence be revoked indefinitely, for I did not have the faith to continue on.
Quester: Never heard back from you after my last comment (in Sizing Up the Fence), but I thought of you in the midst of my struggles. Perhaps you might be interested in my recent posts (and the responses): http://lpkalal.wordpress.com/2008/05/23/doubting-at-last/ and http://lpkalal.wordpress.com/2008/05/12/still-dealing-with-stuff/. As you can see, my discussions with you have got me thinking. Also, thought you’d be interested in friend’s follow up post (he’s a presby pastor): http://pistolpete.wordpress.com/2008/05/25/strong-doubts/.
You have some very well-written posts there, Longing. Such doubts can be very painful, especially if they continue for years.