I was uncomfortable and frightened about moving back to the city I grew up in after leaving ordained ministry. There are so many people here who know me as a Christian. How would they react when they find out I don’t believe any more?
Well, now that I’ve been back three months, I know that my fears were overblown. My friends are still my friends. My family is still my family. I am still me. Almost as if to drive this point home, I had an interesting encounter with some friends shortly before moving back.
My wife and I were in town to look for a place to move into, and we planned on visiting some old friends who heard we were moving back and wanted to catch up. Let’s call them Theresa and Steve.
I have known Theresa for over half my life. We dated in high school, and managed to stay friends afterwards. She’s the one who talked me into joining a Christian youth group with her, which was the start of a lot of my involvement in Christian rallies, retreats and evangelism teams.
I’ve known Steve for three years less than I’ve known Theresa. We have a lot in common, and hung out in college (mostly playing Dungeons and Dragons or games like that).
Theresa and Steve were both devout Christians, and saw me as one, too. After all, I had felt that I had been called to the priesthood only one year after first meeting Theresa. My pursuit of ordained ministry had coloured many of our interactions. I was nervous meeting them and confessing my non-belief. I hadn’t spoken to either in years, but still see both as friends. Plus, they had a baby in March, and I wanted to meet him.
Turns out that Steve has had a similar change of mind/heart, and now refers to himself as a secular humanist. Theresa sees herself as a questioning Christian. They both now attend the local Unitarian Universalist church. They were planning on having a welcoming/naming ceremony at the UU for their baby boy and, having heard of my doubts, thought I’d be a perfect celebrant for them. Between my experience as a priest, my Christian background, and my recent acceptance of my doubts and where they brought me, I could lead a service respecting the perspectives of both parents, and the rights of the child to be welcomed into a community without becoming a member until he could choose for himself.
I do love my life, sometimes.
A month after moving back into town, I dressed in a suit and stood in front of a UU congregation. I offered the one, functional microphone to Theresa and Steve with a smile. Almost thirty years of public speaking experience- mostly in places which could not afford decent sound systems- gives me the confidence that the half-deaf seniors wearing turned-off hearing aids and sitting in the back pews will be surprised that they can hear me despite their best efforts. I looked at the mostly empty pews, and the theists, atheists, polytheists and pantheists who sat scattered in them, and accepted my friends’ baby into my arms.
“We gather here to welcome this child with love.”
From when we are born, until we die, life goes on. It’s good to be reminded of this, sometimes.
Quester,
This sounds wonderful. What an uplifting story. Thanks for sharing it. 🙂
Rebecca,
Just guessing, but did I meet you as “Kay”?
Good guess, but no. I was Zoe. I decided to give Zoe (whoever she is) back her name. 😉
Ah! Well, thanks for your visit, and your compliment, Rebecca.
This was a nice read… and I’m enjoying your blog, thanks.
I’m glad things went well with your friends… but, I wonder how it would have gone if they were at an all time high with their religious beliefs and faith, rather than in questioning mode themselves?
That is what I’m running into…. Dealing with friends whom I’ve known forever… and when *I* was growing up all religious – they were not at all. Now that we are all grown with our own kids – I’ve walked away from the church and religion – and they are suddenly just getting into it full speed ahead the past few years… Ya know?
I’ve never gone to a UU church – but, thought that IF I were to decide to go back to church – it would be something like that… but, I can’t even muster up the desire to do that either, really…
~smj
PS – I’m adding your site to my blog roll at: http://savemenot.wordpress.com
Hope that is okay.
~smj
Funny thing happened to me one day…
When I was in the middle of the most tormenting doubts about my christian faith and I thought I would have to leave my God, my emotional comfort and my best friends and all, I went jogging and there was this writing on a boat “LIFE GOES ON”.
It was so good to read that! It was so comforting.
(And kind of strange, too, since it very much felt like a sign from God. But why on earth would he encourage me to walk away from faith by reminding me that life goes on???)
Thanks for posting these observations and open feelings of yours on this blog.
I started something a bit similar at http://www.wowy.wordpress.com
Samanthamj,
This was a nice read… and I’m enjoying your blog, thanks.
You’re welcome. Thanks for the compliment.
I’m glad things went well with your friends… but, I wonder how it would have gone if they were at an all time high with their religious beliefs and faith, rather than in questioning mode themselves?
No idea. Probably poorly. There’s a number of people I’m avoiding. In the ten years I’ve been gone, I’ve gained about fifty pounds and grew a beard. A number of familiar faces are walking by without recognizing me, and I’m quite willing to let them. Perhaps I’m missing other wonderful coincedences, but I’m in no rush to find out.
That is what I’m running into….
That’s rough. I don’t envy you.
I’ve never gone to a UU church – but, thought that IF I were to decide to go back to church – it would be something like that… but, I can’t even muster up the desire to do that either, really…
If you want to, try it. If not, don’t. Personally, I preferred the Quaker service I attended, but I haven’t been back there, either. But if there’s no draw for you, why bother?
PS – I’m adding your site to my blog roll at: http://savemenot.wordpress.com
Hope that is okay.
Go ahead. Maybe it will help encourage me to update again.
Wowy,
(And kind of strange, too, since it very much felt like a sign from God. But why on earth would he encourage me to walk away from faith by reminding me that life goes on???)
Oy, that sounds familiar. Over the last year of my faith, I kept running into coincedences that were like the “signs from God” I had received in my youth. Each “sign” pointed to a complete lack of God, though, which was confusing, to say the least.